So you love somebody with depression

I have been very open in the past about my struggles with depression and my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I have been that open because I feel that to end the stigma and the negativity towards people with these types of issues we must talk about them and not be afraid to share our experiences. There has been something that has been bothering me lately, and I was trying to figure out a way to turn the negativity I am feeling into something that could potentially be positive. The idea came to me to form an open letter, and hopefully, this is something that many people can benefit. I have been feeling much guilt over the last year or so because, as my kids grow older, I see how my moods and my bouts of depression can affect the people that I care about. Instead of moping around even more when writing this, I decided to give the people that care about me a little insight, and my sincere hope is that this short essay can help others that I don't even know through internet shares.

                                   "I wish I could be who you deserve."
The title may seem melodramatic, but hear me out, I am not trying to sound woe is me or anything of that nature, this is truly how I feel when I am dealing with a particularly powerful episode of depression or if my OCD is a little out of wack. When I was just a teenager, and the onset of OCD and a melancholy disposition began, I was completely lost. I was terrified to talk about my issues because of the stigma of mental health in our country and popular culture, and I was scared. As I wrote last year, I am very proud of the fact that I have now grown into a man that doesn't shy away or hide my issues, I hope that by being outspoken I can help just one person deal with something they may be struggling with. But, accepting my issues doesn't make everything ok.
The ancient Romans believed that having a melancholy temperament was a positive situation for a man because they were realists and could deal with the negative side of life. I agree with this to a point, those always smiling sunshine up your ass folks just resonate fakeness in my eyes. But, that is the cynic talking, I am sure there are people out there that have a sunny disposition 99% of the time, and I applaud you. This essay though is meant for loved ones of the guys and gals that have a less cheerful side. I have tried t narrow down what I feel a majority of people with mood disorders or mood issues would want their loved ones to know.

1. We really, really wish we didn't feel the way we do.
Depression is all-encompassing, it hurts in ways that I have yet to be able to explain for over a decade. I see happiness all around, and I want to be happy, I have three beautiful children and a wonderful wife that loves and supports me, but even thinking about all those wonderful things can't break through when the depression is severe.

2. We are sorry you have to deal with us
Listen, I would like to think that I am a lovable guy, I love to have a good time, crack jokes and be liked. I actually stress out if I think you don't like me, but at home, when I am my most vulnerable, and depression sets in I suck to be around. All people with these issues wish we could just snap out of it and not feel this, but we do, and we are sorry for the extra burden.

3. It isn't all the time
Hell, it's not even 10% of the time for me, but I have mild OCD and depressive tendencies. There are many people in the world that have a level of depression that I can't even begin to fathom. For people in my shoes, I want my loved ones to know that I will eventually be ok, just give us the time to deal with our issues, and it will be ok.

4. I may push you away, but I need you more than ever
This is the big one in the Perry household; I try to push my wife away because I feel guilt and anger over the issues that are causing my mood. I know you may be angry with your loved one at the time, or confused or just have a feeling of hopelessness, please just understand that maybe all we need is to feel your presence next to us or a simple cuddle or hug.

Last but not least, #5
We will not be defeated
This is a manifesto that I have tried to live by over the last few months. This section is for all the people out there that may feel hopeless at times or hurt don't be defeated. There are so many people out there that give up, and the pain that it causes is immeasurable. Do not become a slave to your mood, from the mildest cases like mine to the most severe, whatever it takes to overcome; you must give it your all. Writing things such as my books and this essay help me cope when I feel down, I know it may seem hard to see the light, but there is always a positive. In my teaching career, I feel that I have helped countless students deal with their personal issues and down moments in their lives because I have the experience of a person that knows how much depression can hurt. One of my driving forces daily is to learn to overcome and help the kids that come to me overcome. Find what works for you, some of the most beautiful songs, works of art, movies, etc. have been created by people in the pits of depression that used their negativity in a positive manner.

One final thing, we love you, I hope that my kids never forget how much I love them even on days where it hurts for me to even get out of bed. It hasn't gotten much easier over the last decade or so, but I haven't always worked at it like I have the last few months either. I'm tired of being a slave to a "bad day," for my sanity and the joy and love of my wife and kids, I am determined to find my personal peace with my melancholy and learn to take it one step at a time and overcome the negativity.

Thank you